by Tara Love Ismail on Friday, 16 April 2010 at 03:09
I have been so blessed today, I received a beautiful, love filled message from a dear light brother on facebook in which he shared some of his healing journey with me.
From reading his experiences I realised something deeper about a fear of mine I have recently discovered. My fear of men.
I realised my previous fear of men is not just deep routed in my personal life experience but I believe is a universal fear in the cellular memory of women everywhere.
Through my experiences I have been given the opportunities to experience compassion and love for the ‘abuser’. Which I believe many of women do, to me this partly explains why so many women still love their abuser and stay with them enduring the abuse. Deep down we all want to heal this ignorance and weakness in man for the healing of us all. We know he love us, yet fears our love, trying to push love away yet clinging on for dear life when we try to leave.
This, the battle between needing love and fear of it. It has made me wonder, had the fear not been present in me would these men have expressed a man to be fearful of? And would I have stayed as long as I did.... I don’t think so. I left the moment I no longer needed to experience this fear to transcend it. Thank you my loving teachers for giving me exactly what I needed! Divine reflections of myself.
The realisation of my personal fear of men has liberated me. Through frustration in myself regarding my weight I discovered this fear. I enjoy a healthy vegan diet and I live an active lifestyle so weight naturally falls off of me yet the second I receive attention from men or feel my jeans getting loose I over eat on bread (which I don’t actually enjoy anymore) to regain the few pounds I lost. So much so that this past year I have had to over eat for a day, at least once a week to maintain my extra pounds. Bless me, at one stage the more conscious I became of my self-sabotage the worse I got, but now I have realised it was my own ignorant little way of protecting myself on many levels one of which is men. On some level I equated superficial attention with ignorance and abuse and thus I feared it, doing what I could to remove it.
This realisation has totally changed my relationship with food and myself, I no longer feel the need to protect myself, I know, love is all there is. Food is now something I enjoy and the minute I don’t enjoy what I am eating I stop eating... lol so simple but I’ve never done this before in my life.
We all have our own fears and are all sensitive and so find ways of desensitising ourselves as means of protection; be it through alcohol, drugs, food, drama, money, obsession with 'success' etc...Which ever one or ones we pick serve us on many levels, we need to love our addictions and their influence and try to understand the reason they are present in our life in order to learn their lessons and find love and compassion for our fears so we can let go with love our need to protect. Love is all we need.Divine Unconditional Love.
Thank you Jim Wert for sharing with me and enabling me to understand the route of this new love I have found for men recently, this ignorant and lost masculine manifest in many men is being healed through us all. I am so thankful for your love.
Thank You to all the men residing/growing in love, you all show me the that the type of relationship that I have dreamt of is a reality. To relationships based on unconditional love, peace and harmony.
How perfect is our life’s design to heal the whole through healing ourselves!
I am so happy to be living in the light and thankful to the light for shedding its light on me and us all.
Thank you all for your love, I feel it in my heart. You are all healing me, healing us all through the love you share. The crazy abundance of love I have received from you all this week has had me on such a high! I am totally addicted to love, my desire for love and experience of love increases each day.
Yesterday many times, tears of love streamed down my face! Through thinking of our divine love circle here, to looking at love’s innocence manifest in the children I watched around me on my travel home, to just becoming conscious of loves presence inside me, permeating through my being. I love this feeling of love growing in me, each day I experience higher states of love. I’m so excited! My ability to receive love is ever growing!! As is my ability to give love! Wahooooo!
To Love and Compassion and Understanding, To our experience of Love ever growing !
I See You
I Love You
Tara
I have a slight fear of women... more respect than fear. But God does not give the spirit of fear, but of love a sound mind ... and the rest of that Bible verse. Women that are "too pretty" have always creeped me out a bit ... still haven't found that text I am looking for ... maybe the next one. Ummm Venustrophobia or something like that when a lady is too attractive. .. I just SMH. I like ugly girls too... as long as they are not shife. ... I am completely unfocused at this point... thinking about this article but looking for another one. I am about to forget what I was looking for. (Memo) article about not knowing how it is going to come into reality.
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