by Tara Love Ismail on Tuesday, 11 May 2010 at 22:18
I have had some major revelations these last couple of days, new levels of surrender and understanding of what love is and just what it means to be a part of loves will, here and now.
On Saturday, I experienced a massive surge of love and gratitude for my little sister – expressed it and within the hour I was informed of some very ugly energy surfacing from her at home(i’m away at the mo) really hurting my mum and both sisters. I knew the love sent through me triggered it. From this I experienced a deep fear of the power of love to bring out some ‘ugly’ healing through me!!
While intellectually I understood that it is necessary for our old wounds to surface in order for them to be faced and released - my heart was in agony, I never dreamed that I would be part of this type of healing...... Deeeeeep love! It was such a strange experience. My mind was at peace, but my heart physically hurt! I wanted and tried to send them love but my heart wouldn’t co-operate with my mind.... I just felt this massive resistance to participate in loves will. My heart just couldn’t see past the illusion of their pain and couldn't bare to cause more.
I prayed in earnest that my heart understand what I know to be true. They are healing through loves grace. Only more love can is needed. I know their pain is their spiritual gold, their divine teachers bringing them to love. My heart needs to know this truth! I cannot be a channel for more love without my heart feeling safe.
I felt I was faced with a decision, how much do I want to be an instrument for love? Am I willing to participate in how things work out... I can see it will get ugly, do I want to be a part of this or am I satisfied with the smaller, prettier ways love has been working through me? I knew the answer and made it clear that I truly desire to be able, I want nothing more than to do the best that I can do for love, I trust you, I See You, I love you!!!!
I cried out to god that I be able to let go of these fears, that I be able to send love without my own judgments of what comes out, I want to be able to feel and send constantly regardless of all the pain that surfaces around me. I cried, I prayed and I sang to God. I meditated, surrendering my life and my heart to Loves Will. As I professed my desire to serve love unconditionally, I felt love come in and my heart opened, glowing and tingling with warmth, it was so beautiful. I felt my divine teachers within and all around me, healing and enabling me to move into new levels of love and surrender......
Then yesterday, I got more. An old habit I have been called to release recently (in the note deep fears to light) popped up, like I was on autopilot, I was aware that I was acting from old fear programming yet I continued. I realised that no matter how much I understand the roots of my fears – which is great for my growth, for loving myself and for forgiveness, if I truly wanted to be free, I needed to serve them up to God too!
It really hit home that God lives in me, and when I treat myself with anything less than love I am doing this to God!!! God in my temple, in my heart! No way! I am not willing to treat God with anything less than love, so I am not willing to treat me with anything less than love! I need help! I cried out again, I really really don’t want to treat god badly through me.... I prayed that God come in and heal me, heal us!
It was amazing!!!! I felt love enter my belly! I felt all this energy swirling around in my solar plexus loving me, healing me and I realised it was about personal power - empowerment, self respect and honouring the divinity within me! It was amazing! I Love Me!!! I Love You !! How else can I love God, you, everyone unless I love me... Honour me! My feelings, my truth and my love!
Ooo this is such an exciting path - the awesome love path!
To our personal empowerment, to healing, to the perfection of our creation and to the amazingness that is love! Divine and perfect love! Onederous!
I See You
I Love You
Endlessly my beautiful brothers and sisters
Tara
God is within
My heart is in harmony with my head
My spirit soars as a bird in search of a new sky
The innocence of my life releases
a God I love Everywhere
~RUMI~
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