My First Cry :) !

By Tara Love Ismail on Monday, 08 March 2010 at 02:09

I had a really different cry last week and I've just realised how to explain it in words so I thought I would share it with you.
Last week, after listening to my sister crying and in so much pain over the phone - me strong in my calm/compassionate big sister role i came off the phone and immediately thought of God, then sitting at my desk, I witnessed myself surrender completely to how i felt at that moment - for the first time! It was the first real cry of my life.

It was like there were two parts of me, one part exploding from emotions and the other at peace, just watching, knowing that everything was as it is supposed to be. The cry was loud, deep, completely emotional and over very quickly, probably less than a minute.

I've realised what made this cry different and very special for me was surrender. In the past crying was from fighting the situation, it was selfish, I’d cry from frustration or thoughts of victimisation and fears of what the situation meant for my future etc, then i’d force myself to stop because I didn’t agree with what i was crying about...quite insane really but forcing myself to stop probably was worse than crying for these reasons in the first place.
This cry last week was nothing like that. It really was amazing and quite enlightening for me.

Writing this now I've realised how divine the timing has been for me to be drawn to read the book The Power of Now almost immediately after, it has helped me understand this and much more. I think surrender is really deep - deeper than thought, i don’t think it can truly be done on the level of thought. It’s difficult to explain but here's an attempt from me (thanks to Eckhart Tolle) I'm learning that just because I intellectually understand deep spiritual truths of connectedness, purpose and illusion doesn't mean that I won't/shouldn't still feel natural human emotions. Understanding and knowing are different; one based on intellect the other on experience. I'm thankful that i'm here emotionally and intellectually now and pray i stay here.
To surrender is to be in touch with the present moment, to accept it for what it is with no resistance on any level, to give the present your whole attention and surrender to it. I surrendered my life/heart to God subconsciously (or emotionally) when God woke me up from the suffering/pain i had created in my life just over a year ago now (December 2008), and i have been growing consciously (or intellectually and emotionally) with God these last couple months, it’s been such a beautiful roller coaster and i'm really enjoying the ride.

I don't know why I am sharing this with you, as usual, I just am. God knows if they mean anything to you or not, if you're hearing this for what it is right now or are judging me for whatever reason. Either way it doesn't matter, I feel to share some things with you, probably for my own growth as writing helps me realise things, as i’m writing this with the intention to share it, i’m realising more so thank you for being here. Whatever the real reason is i'm going with it, as usual i'll understand when/if i'm supposed to.

Thank you for being here and allowing me to share this little piece of me with you.

I hope you have a beautiful blessed week and pray you continue to grow in God's light and love.

With Love All-Ways

Tara

╔ƸӜƷ Peace
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ை`•` ¯¨•.¸¸ ƸӜƷ Creates harmony ƸӜƷ¸¸.•¨¯`•`ை