by Tara Love Ismail on Friday, 28 May 2010 at 05:43
These last two days have been so massively healing for me, I have been writing letters expressing the pain I have been carrying unconsciously within me, releasing those who I have allowed to wound me, freeing myself and them from the past. Tonight I was finally brought to the big one! I came face to face with a fact that I have been denying and ignoring all the evidence pointing towards.
As I faced the fact that even though I have released my ex from my heart, I still carry pain in my 2nd abd 3rd chakra's from the relationship. I realised that I have been a victim of rape. As I painfully admitted this to myself, I had to keep repeating it over and over to believe it. I wondered if I was making this up, is this really what happened. I knew from the reaction I was having in my body as I wrote that it was true... I wrote to my ex, admitting to myself exactly what happened, I found myself physically sick with tears welling up but not being released, I couldn't cry, i'd ignored this for so long. I turned my attention to god, I asked God to help me release these tears that I have been holding inside me for so long. And my god did they pour out!!
I had to forgive him and myself so I can release this. I know the key to forgiveness is understanding, so I prayed, I had to know why this had to happen for me to learn something... what was it I had to learn that was so important that God would rape me through my ex– harming us both to teach this lesson.
TRUST! I had to learn that above all else I must trust in myself – trust in my feelings! My feelings are god, they are what is right for me! I must remove the idea of what I should or shouldn’t do, of rights and wrongs, of putting others before me – which is like saying the god in them is more important than the god in me. No! We are all equal, all one and no one's feelings are more important that any others, we must all stay to to our own feelings!! To god within!
I realised where I went wrong. I allowed this to happen continuously to make my ex feel better about himself after him harming me in other ways – I ignored how much I was hurting so I could comfort him and myself by continuing living the lie, that everything between us is ok. I had to learn that this was not me being loving, I cannot comfort someone by letting them harm me if they want to!!! If I wanted to help him I would never have let him harm me, harming himself in the process – harming god within us both. I need to stand strong in who I am, remain in my truth. Only then can I help anyone.
This was all to teach me to never ever ever do anything that doesn’t feel 100% right, if i ignore my feelings I ignore god within me guiding me... I'd be putting my minds wants, judgments and needs before the wisdom of god within me.
This was also to teach me how harmful it is to both parties to comfort someone in a way that gives your power to them. This is not comfort, this is not healing this is not a righteous thing to do. I cannot give anyone a part of me to heal them. I cannot serve the world, serve gods purpose, loves purpose unless I am able to serve god within me. I help others by being me, by inspiring them to heal themselves, by loving them unconditionally, which means being able to say no and be willing to not be liked by them if that is what is needed. Unconditional love is standing strong in the truth regardless of what the world thinks of you. It is being willing to not be understood, appreciated or acknowledged by those who need it most and still continue to see the truth. To see what is needed, heart love not hands!
I feel so very blessed to be able to learn this lesson and to be surrounded by so many loving angels who love me and have played their roles in preparing me to see this truth. My God I love you and thank
you I am so grateful for this lesson! And omg I am so happy to have learnt it!!! I love my divine teacher within my ex and i am so so grateful for your love! Thank you!!!!
God within us all - I love you so much, I live my life for you, I’ll sing and dance, I’ll play and dream, I breathe, I live, I love for you god! I eat for you now!! I no longer eat for my pain! I have nothing to hide anymore, I have no need to hide from me anymore!!!! I see me now!!!! I See You!
I reclaim my power, I reclaim my sexuality, I reclaim my responsibility for my yoni, I reclaim all energy that is me, that is you in me! I am Free, I am complete and I am healed! O god thank you!
I pray for all my brothers and sisters to grow in your light and to be able to see and love the divine lessons you are teaching them, that they see the perfection in everything that has happened to them or is happening to them..... I pray they see the light. I pray to be a vessel for always for you, for love to love through me purely and perfectly by your grace. Amen
My God I Love YOU! You reading these words right now. I love you! I hug you! I kiss you! I am you!
If this resonates with you, or are going through anything you want to share with me please feel free to message me, I would love to hear from you. If you feel this may be of help to anyone please feel free to share also. I stand naked before you all my angels. I am free from my self! I would love to stand in freedom with you!
I See you
I Love you
Endlessly in AllWays
Tara
Oh Beloved, take me.
Liberate my soul.
Fill me with your love
and release me from the two worlds.
If I set my heart on anything but you
let fire burn me from inside.
Oh Beloved,
take away what I want.
Take away what I do.
Take away what I need.
Take away everything that takes me from you.
~RUMI~
Hug
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